What plagues your night

I used to have mind convos with myself when I was younger. The conversation which sometimes end up with me being angry at myself for being such a loser in terms of money, wealth, material things, aspirations, success and everything else. I can't remember ever saying nice things to myself during those moments and the ones I remembered were mostly about feeling bad for my self.

I am not the kind to think so lowly of myself, sure I wasn't the prettiest, not the smartest, I was a shopaholic so money was not accumulated in the bank and therefore I was aware that I wasn't getting any wealthier. But those self condemning thoughts were abundant and when I think back I never had a thought at night where I was being thankful to Allah for giving me a healthy body which enabled me to work and gain RMs to go shop around. There was no balance between my self condemning thoughts and my positive thoughts.

The saying that count your blessings is actually better said than done. In my years as an angsty teen and later self-condemning adult I was secretly jealous of people who succeeded in their thing. It was just thoughts since I never acted upon them and now as I think about them all the best thing to do was just wish them well and move on. Just as I try to forget about that embarassing moment where I walked into a glass door at a shop, I should also do the same with my jealous habit.

Now I am focusing in me, in building a better me for the future. I no longer spend night convos about me being a loser for the day, but neither do I count my blessings. Meanwhile life goes on and I stay the same, I should move on, and change my thoughts on what success means to me. Success is a changing thing to me, but right now it means the ability to be in peace and continue life positively.

Fanart

I just watched Shingeki No Kyojin awhile ago and had some fanart drawn. I am so in love with Hanjo, at her characteristics and her close friendship with Levi, of which we in the fandom would interpret as a loving relationship.

Here's a Hange.

By the way I deleted all my fanfiction from this blog. You can read them on my Wattpad and Archive Of Our Own. I want to start writing my own fiction so I will be putting those original fictions here instead.

Levi and Hange

This blog is going to end up as a picture blog I think. I will share more pics in the future since I have moved my ramblings somewhere else.

This is Levihan fanart, introducing Captain Levi and Commander Hange Zoe from the anime Shingeki No Kyojin aka Attack On Titan. They are my ultimate ship at this moment so I am going to draw and colour a lot of them.

My colouring is shitty, as Levi would have said, but I like the way I drew Levi. He's like so seriously listening to Hange. BTW I think Hange looks like Cindy Crawford here, and to me she does not look too crazy here unlike her original design in SNK.

To those still reading and following me, thanks for reading.