Panic in the pandemic

 

This is an artwork I made recently to capture the panic that I felt during the pandemic.

Yes, I panic a lot during the pandemic of 2021. I hate that I overthink these days, and I want to change. Sometimes I think I have managed to overcome my anxiety in some little ways. Baby steps they said. I do talk to my significant other but you know how being worried everyday gets to you eventually.

How do I know that I am suffering from anxiety? Sometimes I measure my blood pressure and it goes 90 beats perminute. I read that it is quite high for my age. I did not do anything, I was just lying down but my mind goes 150 km an hour. I also have great anxiety about going out after being casual contacts of covid patients.

Some days I eat late and just drink water, but these days I have breakfast even if it is an apple. My stomach has suffered a lot probably, and I read that stress can cause bowel problems so that is another reason to not overthink all the time. I now I must live with this anxiety so therefore I can only lessen it but it will never completely go away.

When I think about it, I am probably an over thinker ever since I was small. I used to think that I am a problematic child because I often make my parents angry. I have good grades but at everything else I fail, lmao. Now I take it easy on myself, I do not want to be rejected by myself anymore. I want to be able to live with anxiety and also enjoy my weird self.

I am weird and I am embracing it. I just need to be more patience myself I think. Here to a lesser anxious me.

 Hi and hello. Wait it is 2021 already and we are 62% done with it.

As a former blogger, I have decided that blogging needs to be revived in my life. Hence I am blogging here again. Firstly, I miss writing whole paragraphs about stuff happening in my life. Secondly, It will help me practice writing for future works and of course releasing pent up emotions.

So what have I been up to in 2020? Let me summarise it. I bought an iPad Air sometime around June 2020, not going anywhere since pandemic so money saved, and started drawing digital art. I drew people's face and a lot of Monsta X fanart. Did I tell you I got really into kpop while in quarantine?  managed to go to a few cupsleeves events before the quarantine started middle March.

Anyway starting 2020 I became 30% more serious about art. Before the pandemic I was about 20% serious about it. Now I am 50% thinking of making art into a post retirement activity. Some of the stuff I draw were cats drawings since I spent a few good hours a day on the Internet and you know what populates the internet? Cats!

I am thinking of making a lot of cat drawings probably make merchandise? These are some of the cats I painted digitally. Cats in fluffy bunny ears.

I have been looking at cat contents on tik tok and screen capping them for later use. I am thinking about selling stuff about cats or art motto shirts. I haven't done anything active regarding these ideas but boy do I have a lot of ideas in my head. Maybe I should go read about how to build a long lasting business soon. I am afraid to start a business but the pandemic has made me think you only live once.

Then in late 2020 my child got sick and mentally I was out of action. But in September 2020 after weeks getting in and out of hospitals my son recovered. He is now in good health now and we still see the doctors every few months.

Early January 2021 I started doing impasto paintings like these.

Impasto painting using acrylic in turqoise, red and white. The background is red and yellow.

Impasto painting of purple, pink, magenta, white on blue background.

Impasto painting of colours aqua blue,  dark blue, white and brown. 

I plan to take close up detail pictures of each and turn them into digital art. The patterns are inspired by clouds I see on my way to and back from work, but with a little spice. The colours are my way of expressing the shadows and flows of things. I use palette knives and acrylic paints, and so far I have been recording my process of making these paintings. I will videos in the future here.

Right now painting is one of the things I do, which I think I should pursue seriouslu since i am quite good at it. I am not in it alone, people in tiktoks and twitter have been saying that my art looks good so I think it is a sign to do art more seriously.

Until next time. Stay safe and hope you all have a great time ahead.

Heya. New art, same mood.

Hey, I did a fanart of a fellow cosplayer on ig named @/miihchanpp. Appreciate this Levi x Hange fanart.

Hi 2019 and everyone. I am back for my quarterly post. 

Here's a bonus, a chubby chibi Levi.

Have a great year friends.

Cosmart 2018 : a short visit tho

I think I skipped posting about the day I went to TAGCC 2018 at Midvalley Megamall, well I'll post that one later. Anyway, hello people. I am a casual cosplayer starting from 2017 when I went to a UiTM Japan Language Society event as Konan from Akatsuki, of the animanga Naruto. Now I go to cons as a casual Survey Corps cosplayer.

I had a blast at Cosmart 2018, even though I was only there for an hour and a half. The event was a mini version of Comic Fiesta, which will happen in Dec this year. At the event there were the usual merchandise booths but things were pricey, so I thought it was meh, but then to my surprise there were also cosplayers and crafters selling off their unused stuff on the upper floor. So I bought a preloved pink wig. some cotton cloth remnants and a usually RM3.50 ribbon for RM1. I need ribbon like I need to breathe :P hoarder much. Anyway, on Sunday morning I asked about the event from a fellow cosplayer and after he told me that it was free, I quickly planned to visit it. It was nearby, but I still spent about an hour on the road since the town where the event happened was packed as heck.  

Dedicate your heart, Shinzo wo Sasageyo!

Me in incomplete Survey Corps cosplay!

I haven’t the time to make the sash and 3DMG straps. Hope that I’ll get to do it around November, so it's just the white jeans, jacket and cloak. Will try better next time. Maybe I'll  come as a hijab Hange or hijab Levi with cravat ok. On my way there I saw a survey corps cosplayer while i was rushing but didn’t see them afterwards. Still, I get to meet some online cosplay peeps.

Some of the cosplayers I met at the event.
Some i friended on instagram and talked to for a bit.

 Bring along your camera, smile and ask for permission to snap pictures.

And if they say yes, be on your merry way.

Wings what?

Wings of freedom.

ps: i always have crushes on kakashi hatake cosplayers. 

Hello I did absolutely less art but i did these during my blog hiatus.

This one was after SNK manga chapter 108 came out.

Will she open her eyes?
Will she answer my questions?
But will the answers lighten our burden?
Will we lay to rest with peace in our hearts?
Questions and questions, they never ceased.

....

Did this happier piece for #snkpositivityweek. It's modern AU Mikasa and Sasha.

While Sasha ogles at her Murtabak, Mikasa always makes it her business to tease Sasha about her foodgasms. In an AUverse Sasha’s food craze brings smiles to an otherwise usually stern looking Mikasa. I love stern Mika and silly Sasha combo.

Random questions about SNK

1. What are your top five Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan characters?

Hange, Levi, Nifa, Jean and Connie. But I like drawing Annie though I’m neutral towards her character.

2. Top ships and rarepairs?

Levihan, erejean, eremika, springles, mobuhan and zevi haha.

3. Which character would you like to date? 

Hange, on a picnic by a lake, and I wanna ask them about sciencey stuff.

4. Which SNK moment in manga, anime, film is /are your favourite?

• Anything with Hange in it!
• The Attack Titan experiment
• Historia badass awakening moment against her daddy + humanity + life and herself, inside that shiny cave. She’s such a brave character when she finally realized her abilities. No fucks were given onwards.

5. Who do you think will be a brilliant commander after Commander Hange?

Jean, he is thoughtful, brave and he’s nimble. He’s also rational in a serious situation when he didn’t throw Gabi and Falco off the zeppelin after Sasha was shot, and on the verge of death.

6. What are your favourite tangible / non tangible items from SNK?

• Hange’s goggles and glasses
• Levi’s resting bitch face and his loyalty towards Erwin/Survey Corps
• ackerbond
• the SNK capes/cloaks and the 3DMG
• and SC’s salute and motto - for humanity!

7. How have SNK affected your real life?

It makes me want to draw more fanart and write more fics, and both things greatly enhanced my drawing and writing skill. Still a wannabe artist though :D haha. Also I got to interact with fanpeople from all walks of life, age and countries. So awesome.

8. If you could say or do something to one of the SNK characters what would it be?

Ask Levi to smile for the camera and also whether him and Hange ever gonna kiss. I might receive a kick though, still worth it.

9. Favourite quote?
“Ever since I joined the survey corps, I’ve had people dying on me everyday. But… you understand, don’t you? One day or another, everyone you care about eventually dies. It’s something we simply can’t accept. It’s a realization that could drive you insane… It’s painful… so painful… I get it. And still… we must keep moving forward.” - Commander Hange Zoe 

10. Your favourite SNK fanart / discourse / fanfictions / edits?

• Fanarts by @drinkyourfuckingmilk
• All levihan tumblrs I follow here. and erejean fanfictions on AO3.
• And all my crappy fanarts and fanfictions regarding levihan, love thyself first haha.
• And anything about SNK is my game though I mostly reblog hanjo thingies and leviham.

This was fun to do. I tagged my fellow mutuals and followers on Tumblr and received a few responses and they were interesting to read.

Eren Jaeger with man bun

Wow I didn't realize that I didn't post in May at all. Looks like I have to post more often to ensure that I don't feel like deleting this blog on a whim. Anyway here are some fanarts I did in conjunction with shingeki no kyojin / attack on titan manga chapter 106.

I drew these today and I wonder if I should draw more of topless men in hair bun, hahahaha. Anyway see ya all later with more meaningful posts.

Fanart: Hange Zoe from SNK

She's just so awesome as a character. She is flawed, gentle, knowledgeable, emphatic and so much more. Some people see her as binary but as the creator said, it is up to the audience to see her as a She or They. I see her as a mother figure so a she. Happy labour day you all.

Fanart : Levihan

Fanart of my levihan fanfic. Will post it on wattpad soon.