I used to have mind convos with myself when I was younger. The conversation which sometimes end up with me being angry at myself for being such a loser in terms of money, wealth, material things, aspirations, success and everything else. I can't remember ever saying nice things to myself during those moments and the ones I remembered were mostly about feeling bad for my self.
I am not the kind to think so lowly of myself, sure I wasn't the prettiest, not the smartest, I was a shopaholic so money was not accumulated in the bank and therefore I was aware that I wasn't getting any wealthier. But those self condemning thoughts were abundant and when I think back I never had a thought at night where I was being thankful to Allah for giving me a healthy body which enabled me to work and gain RMs to go shop around. There was no balance between my self condemning thoughts and my positive thoughts.
The saying that count your blessings is actually better said than done. In my years as an angsty teen and later self-condemning adult I was secretly jealous of people who succeeded in their thing. It was just thoughts since I never acted upon them and now as I think about them all the best thing to do was just wish them well and move on. Just as I try to forget about that embarassing moment where I walked into a glass door at a shop, I should also do the same with my jealous habit.
Now I am focusing in me, in building a better me for the future. I no longer spend night convos about me being a loser for the day, but neither do I count my blessings. Meanwhile life goes on and I stay the same, I should move on, and change my thoughts on what success means to me. Success is a changing thing to me, but right now it means the ability to be in peace and continue life positively.
Wonderful Wordy Wednesday
1 day ago
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