Panic in the pandemic

 

This is an artwork I made recently to capture the panic that I felt during the pandemic.

Yes, I panic a lot during the pandemic of 2021. I hate that I overthink these days, and I want to change. Sometimes I think I have managed to overcome my anxiety in some little ways. Baby steps they said. I do talk to my significant other but you know how being worried everyday gets to you eventually.

How do I know that I am suffering from anxiety? Sometimes I measure my blood pressure and it goes 90 beats perminute. I read that it is quite high for my age. I did not do anything, I was just lying down but my mind goes 150 km an hour. I also have great anxiety about going out after being casual contacts of covid patients.

Some days I eat late and just drink water, but these days I have breakfast even if it is an apple. My stomach has suffered a lot probably, and I read that stress can cause bowel problems so that is another reason to not overthink all the time. I now I must live with this anxiety so therefore I can only lessen it but it will never completely go away.

When I think about it, I am probably an over thinker ever since I was small. I used to think that I am a problematic child because I often make my parents angry. I have good grades but at everything else I fail, lmao. Now I take it easy on myself, I do not want to be rejected by myself anymore. I want to be able to live with anxiety and also enjoy my weird self.

I am weird and I am embracing it. I just need to be more patience myself I think. Here to a lesser anxious me.

 Hi and hello. Wait it is 2021 already and we are 62% done with it.

As a former blogger, I have decided that blogging needs to be revived in my life. Hence I am blogging here again. Firstly, I miss writing whole paragraphs about stuff happening in my life. Secondly, It will help me practice writing for future works and of course releasing pent up emotions.

So what have I been up to in 2020? Let me summarise it. I bought an iPad Air sometime around June 2020, not going anywhere since pandemic so money saved, and started drawing digital art. I drew people's face and a lot of Monsta X fanart. Did I tell you I got really into kpop while in quarantine?  managed to go to a few cupsleeves events before the quarantine started middle March.

Anyway starting 2020 I became 30% more serious about art. Before the pandemic I was about 20% serious about it. Now I am 50% thinking of making art into a post retirement activity. Some of the stuff I draw were cats drawings since I spent a few good hours a day on the Internet and you know what populates the internet? Cats!

I am thinking of making a lot of cat drawings probably make merchandise? These are some of the cats I painted digitally. Cats in fluffy bunny ears.

I have been looking at cat contents on tik tok and screen capping them for later use. I am thinking about selling stuff about cats or art motto shirts. I haven't done anything active regarding these ideas but boy do I have a lot of ideas in my head. Maybe I should go read about how to build a long lasting business soon. I am afraid to start a business but the pandemic has made me think you only live once.

Then in late 2020 my child got sick and mentally I was out of action. But in September 2020 after weeks getting in and out of hospitals my son recovered. He is now in good health now and we still see the doctors every few months.

Early January 2021 I started doing impasto paintings like these.

Impasto painting using acrylic in turqoise, red and white. The background is red and yellow.

Impasto painting of purple, pink, magenta, white on blue background.

Impasto painting of colours aqua blue,  dark blue, white and brown. 

I plan to take close up detail pictures of each and turn them into digital art. The patterns are inspired by clouds I see on my way to and back from work, but with a little spice. The colours are my way of expressing the shadows and flows of things. I use palette knives and acrylic paints, and so far I have been recording my process of making these paintings. I will videos in the future here.

Right now painting is one of the things I do, which I think I should pursue seriouslu since i am quite good at it. I am not in it alone, people in tiktoks and twitter have been saying that my art looks good so I think it is a sign to do art more seriously.

Until next time. Stay safe and hope you all have a great time ahead.