Pics from my April and May 2014.

Me and my son enjoying our breakfast at Summit USJ. His dad had an assignment there interviewing a robotic event so we tagged along. This was the first day it was announced that the water rationing will end. But the moment I realized that there was no water we went out. But Alhamdulillah water supply resumed when we got back home around noon.

Late lunch at Bagan Lalang. The three of us haven't gone anywhere for a long time so we went there for an impromptu outing. The food was so so. Next time we better pick a more delicious looking restaurant to make the hour journey more worthwhile. But that day I was more into enjoying our brief escapade.

Baby bump at 28 weeks.

My son was hooked onto his dad's phone because he was terrified of the huge seaview.

Last batch of patterned cloth I bought at Kamdar. I had wanted to make ribbons from it.

Linens from Fabric Fanatics, a store located at Summit USJ. Go google for it.
The fabrics are drop dead gorgeous.

Earlier in May I dropped by the KL International Book Fair. It was the last day and just a few hours before closing time so I didn't expect much.

But Alhamdulillah I got a bag! 

I bought this just to broaden the scope of my book collection.

Unfortunately there wasn't a section on Malaysia. I was disappointed as I think Malaysia did reach the International level by the time this book was printed. Tom Abang Saufi?  

This costs RM 10 and I only had about 15 minutes to speed shop while the staff were packing their books into boxes. BTW this booth was the only booth to open at the English section of KLIBF2014. 

Good enough for me as I have spent about a year of my life making dolls for my own use.
They include 2 bears, one small for my mom and the other one a good notebook size for my husband, before we were married.  

Dolls. Some looked creepy while some realistic if they are blown to human size. 

Then I went downstairs and entered Karangkraf hall. They rented a huge hall just for themselves. I saw books on sewing but since I don't have a sewing machine at the moment I looked for other stuff.

Ribbon embroidery. This is my second book. Now, where did I keep my first one. 

 On black satin.

Just the day before I had bought a roll of roll printed ribbon in Nilai 3. We were sight seeing right after our visit to Bagan Lalang and I purposely stray ourselves to Nilai 3. Not so many things to buy. Next time I'll just visit this store in Johor which was not far from the famous Ayer Hitam craft and krepek stalls.

This could be a nice gift for friends. 

My first attempt. Four different outcomes using the same techniques. I have since bought various sized needles and bigger ribbons. These were quarter and half inch ribbons. It was a pain because the needle was huge.
Last week as I was sitting pondering about the future. I usually do my pondering while waiting for my videos to be processed into videos and also when they are being uploaded. You might think that I am straying or not focus on my work, but hey thinking about something else during work can help to think about new ideas. My days at work are almost ritual like, edit this, this and this on Monday until Friday and then take care of child and husband and sleep. Andddddddddddd repeat.  

So I thought about what I should do with my life, I thought about furthering my studies either formally or informally. We are always studying informally each day, new things have to be uploaded into our hard drive and tested out, each second of each day. Even learning to sleep in a new surroundings needs practice. When I often go balik kampung by bus, I had to learn to sleep while sitting up and waking up before the bus arrives at the bus stand or else I will risk being alone and expose myself to strangers if I arrive at night. Scary!

Anyway I decided to contact Kak Benny of and ask whether she is free on Saturday to have me for a class. I have met her twice before this. Once when she was having an exhibition at FRIM, but she didn't know me. Then years later I stalked her on Facebook and befriended her. Earlier this year she when to my work place to meet some TV and radio producer to promote her husband's artistes. Since she had to visit my office as a person she wanted to meet works just above my office, I decided to visit her.

Anyway, since a year ago I had my mind on learning how to draw on canvas: shoes, bags, drawing canvas. Since kak Benny knew how and she is an established artist, I decided to ask her for a tutorial. And she agreed on my suggested date. 

So to cut the story short, I was the only one who could turn up. She asked me to donate the tutorial fee to a charity she supported but I haven't gotten the account number from her yet. So I hadn't paid anything yet. Anyway she said the less than RM200 fee is good for a few classes. Wowee, for me in a world where one pays RM200 for something which one enjoys for a mere hours, this is like priceless. And I can use her markers which comes in various shades. 

 Me left and kak Benny right.

I was half posing and half colouring the shoes. Those shoes I bought at a sale in Paradigm mall for less than RM30. It was stained from rain and mud and I had to wash it a day before the class. Luckily it didn't rain the day I washed it and so was able to be drawn on. Yippee.

I learned a lot about shading and colour combo. Those two things which comes in handy not only in colouring on canvas but can also be applied in other stuff like plain colour combos. She said looking at 24 kinds of colour at the same time and trying to come up with a combo is mind boggling sometimes. So she suggests starting with two and three colour combos for starters and adding supporting or contrasting colours along the way.

What I drew on the front.

The right side of the shoe.

The left side of the shoe. Kak Benny gave me ideas since I was blank that morning.

These were half coloured as she was teaching me about making tones appear in gradation beside each other. I have always been an idiot when it comes to colouring so this one on one session is totally helping me. Both in my craft and also work.

Basically for a start we should have white canvas shoes, markers, ideas and a white paper. A white plain A4 paper should do. This is as a draft of our shoe. I was idealess that day and so she said maybe I can draw an owl from a pair of baby shoes I gave her. 

I made these for her the night before that. It is a generic shoe design, for 0 to 6 months baby. She said she is having a girl but I chose to be on the safe side.

Patterns for baby booties are aplenty in the cyber world. But to make sure these are actually wearable I compared it to my son's baby booties. I think he wore baby booties until he was 4 months old so this would last an average sized baby about 3-4 months hopefully. Having said that I haven't tried them on any baby since there's not one available for testing :P.

Totally hand stitched. The outer cloth is linen from Fabrics Fanatics, and the inner cloth is felt. The elastics are actually hair band elastics and the buttons I bought from Mr DIY. Totally doable. I only use jahit kia and insang pari. 


So many thoughts at once.

My friends said that I think a lot. Of course I think a lot, I analyze things all the time. But sometimes I just shut down and go to sleep, this did not happen at night, this happened in the afternoon. Hahaha. Yeah I sleep during lunch hour about once a week so I could survive another 12 hours handling my son and being a pregnant mummy. I can't wait to get my driving license after baby no 2 gets out so I can sleep at home. Go home on time and sleep. That sounds good.

Thinking is my hobby and so are implusive buys. Yeah I don't think when I shop, I just buy things as long as there is space for it and balance money for food and taxi home. This is an unhealthy habit and I better correct it before I lose to bankruptcy. Sigh, growing old and earning your own money is not fun anymore especially when you have to constantly do a check and balance now and then. But as a mommy of one and an incoming two, I have to start being savvioer and thriftier around money, and do smart shoppings. 

Since I got pregnant and started wearing the same items each week, I think I have a new found understanding in shopping. Always opt for quality rather than buying cheap clothes. My husband gave me an allowance to buy half of my maternity wear for baby no 2. I bought 6 tops, 2 pants and a skirt for work. Then after I reached my 24th week I ordered a maternity measured baju kurung. My MIL gave me a baju kurung and a maternity gown the other day. But I had to wear my maternity skirt under it because it was short and showed my ankles. Surely I can survive life post baby by wearing the same stuff or recycle what I have. 

I was born a thinker, always thinking about life. I had to. When I was small I had this one person seemingly always treating me like an enemy. He liked to say negative things to me and never say anything positive, of which I can use as motivation. As a result I grew up not knowing what positive thoughts are, I was always scared and tend to overthink. 

Ok, I have outgrown that fearful phase of life. I am braver now. Hey, I am scared sometimes but not all the time. When I was less than 17 years old, I was scared most times like talking to people or when making new friends. I don't do small talks. Now I select my friends and people who don't matter to me are left behind. I remember a friend who only came to visit my dorm when she was on her way from some event which everyone had to go, otherwise it would be me who visits her. These friends are the ones we call 'berat bontot', they must have butt which weighed a tonne.

I realize that people who change themselves into a super version of what other people think they couldn't be possibly be, are rare. Like this Jolene girl, she has a tough upbringing and her dad left the family just before she sat for her SPM. But she is a lawyer today and is a very positive person.

And I realize that I have to shed all my fears which haunted me since I was small. I drove my life to where I am now and I should be able to steer it right where I want it, or at least to a better state than now. So basically I am at fault for not having a driver's license at 32. Sigh... 

But as a muslim there are things which we must accept as our qada' and qadar. Like when we die or when we get married, because those have been fated by Allah SWT. We can only pray to die while being in the right path it seems. But life on earth is temporary so we must aim for life in the after life. Live like you will die tomorrow or something like that.

It's time to go home but I must write this before I chow. A friend told me that  she is interested in adopting, although her family hasn't actually agreed on this. She is single, a government officer in her early 30s and she said her maternal clock is ticking. I said I knew someone who could help and if Allah grants her wish, there could be a baby for her someday, from somewhere. Then I realized that I had been talking about a child like they are trade items, like "you want one? I can get you one". It's not very nice considering that babies are humans and has rights too. But seeing that people still continue to dump newborns in toilets and public places, I think it's ok albeit doing it the lawful way to save a baby from being sent to an orphanage. May God help her love a child not of her own.

Ok that's all. More to blab tomorrow.

Happy Mommy Day

Happy mothers day to all moms, those who mom people around them and those who will one day become a mom, biological or not. 

You are the one who comes in the rain when the one you care for forgets them. You cook and buy food, making sure no one goes hungry and then make them fat and chubby. You worry when people don't eat enough and you make sure only the best for your babies. 

You watch over your child / children and take hundreds of mental pictures of them. Their life is yours to remember, every details seen or unseen is in your memory till alzheimer comes eating. Your power to reminisce and reflect on them is enough to warrant a lifetime of movie hours which will rival the Star Wars sixology.

Sometimes you spend too much doing things doing simple simple things the first time, things you have never done before. But these are things which will be a norm after you have become used to it later in life. 

Your first born becomes your first foray into motherhood and like me a first time mom, uses the cyber world to guide your day to day baby problems. You can't be bothering your mom each day with "mom what do i do when....?" 

You wonder each night what tomorrow will bring... but when tomorrow arrives you realize that you just have to take it by each day because you just don't know what will happen. What matters is that you are here for the moment. 

You reflect on your child's performance each day and the more you see things, the more you learn about yourself. You become their entertainer, their cook, their banker, their personal shopper and their umbrella. Each day and every day. 

You provide milk when there is none. And where moms may kill each other in words regarding infant feeding you soldier on, providing any shape of milk you can. You are a nurturer, the kind of milk you serve baby doesn't brand you as a certain kind of mother. You do your best to get that milk here, from your bosoms, goat or cow it doesn't matter.

You shouldn't be bored with your moms world they said.
You shouldn't think of motherhood as a race each day. 
You should be sure of your choices because moms knows best. 
There's no vacation for moms with small children of course.
There's no certain pay day for moms either. Not everyone gets a fixed allowance as a mom. Everyone just expects you to survive.
A mom should be full of love.
A mom who gets sick is a mom we don't want... but

Moms are only human. We are not perfect. But we tried and sometimes we fail. Sometimes we are sick and we soldier on. Most times we do whatever it takes to mom.

Even if we don't cook. Even if we work all day long. Even if we are deprived as long as baby is here and babies have a habit of staying around for 18 years.

We are moms. We want to do the best in what we do. We wake up and wear our invisible mom capes the moment we open our eyes. Sometimes we do it while peeping with a half eye open, just to roll that baby near so he / she can have his feed at 3 am. We are all moms in our shortcoming ways. We can hire a maid if we want but that does not mean that we are dividing our mommy love. We do what we have to survive.

So happy Mom's day to all moms here. No day offs but we are strong and stronger each day.

It's my wall, my twitter account, my Facebook, my Instagram and I can post whatEVER I want

Freedom of speech versus posting while taking care to adhere to taboo, and not making your friends felt disturbed with your posts is like eating without drinking. You can't do one without eventually causing the other in one way or another.  So if you keep posting on and one every day, and think you won't hurt a fly but then suddenly someone thinks you are overdoing it. If you stay silent then people will say you are like a hibernating bear. So what do you do?

It's my wall, my twitter account, my Facebook, my Instagram and I can post whatEVER I want.

Touristy mode

I am in a fantasy touristy mode. I can only fantasize for now because I am not physically comfortable to travel for long periods now. Some would say that travelling while pregnant is much more preferrable pre baby then post baby, and they even have a name for it these days, babymoon. But I think I will remain domestic and enjoy my short term getaways and plan for a longer one when baby is over a year old. By that time I can leave him or her at their grandma's with a comforting mind. Anyway, my first born will turn 3 years old when the baby is due in July. InsyaAllah.

Anyway I found new things to Google about. The foreground story is that I have a bunch of English cousins who lives mainly in Cornwall and around that area. My aunt who is my father's eldest sister married a British soldier over 40 years ago. The aunt & late uncle, along with their 3 sons and a daughter all lived there and the last time they came to Malaysia was around early 2003 after my grandmother died. And I have always wondered what they thought about Malaysia. For me who is born into a world of palm trees, beaches and sunshine I sometimes take for granted with the beauty of my land. I'm in awe of Bali, maybe because the climate there is colder than Malaysia but I am also in awe of Langkawi even with the hot hot hot climate.

Anyway, to keep my blab short let's see what do foreigners who lives on land/climate/culture so different from us thinks of us. Are we famous for our Malaysian hospitality? Well each to their own. Read on.

1. The Chronicles Of Mariane :

2. Camille Tries To Blog

3. Patrick Evoe : Professional Triathlete

Let it go, let it go..

Letting it go is a tough thing to do. Especially when it is something you have been accustomed to or have been dreaming of for months. Just when you thought you are able to grasp it, the situation makes it unsuitable for you to obtain it for that moment. Not now, it seems to say, maybe later.

I have a hard time letting go. Especially when it comes to things so deeply latched to my heart. One of those things is letting go of...

So far people have laughed at my attempt to craft. Maybe because I kept buying craft supply like there's no tomorrow while the evidence of my crafty soul is nowhere to be seen. Eh, yesterday I spent my KL Book Fair budget on 8 pieces of imported fabric. Oh well, I can't have it all. My books bought for reading 2014 is sufficient, if you count an average of a book a month. So I splurged on these fabrics. Not an amount that would make you cry but for me who have hardly time to craft, it is a huge amount.

Since I don't drive and I am about to be huge entering my 3rd trimester, and the nanny's house is on the 5th floor and I have been coming home later than usual... I am contemplating sending my son to his grandma's house for awhile before I give birth. It is a temporary placement but since his grandma kept saying about treating my son like a constant companion, I felt like I am fostering him away. It felt like he is staying there for good. I know that is not a possibility for the time being but I just can't let him go. 

Actually if I send him for care during my 32nd week, he will only be away for 8 weeks only. And I will be seeing him every 2 weeks or so and then I will be having my confinement at my MIL's house where he already his. 

I am sure his love and memory of me won't easily wither in that 8 weeks of separation. Oh but he's my first born and I am having great separation anxiety.

I was recently presented with a small amount of money which should have enabled me to buy a sewing machine, but my car was due for service and half of my money went there. A part went to buying a printer because as a working couple, me and my husband needs to have our own printer. Today's printer is a machine which can copy, scan and print via wifi. The ink cartridge is cheaper than older model printers too. I have even printed an album of wedding pictures for a relative as wedding present. Thought the cost is same as going to the printers, at least I can do it on my own sweet time.

This is my current mode. I have to learn to let go of so many things that I have temporarily resign myself as a wannabe. I am a wannabe artist, a wannabe seamstress, a wannabe artist and a wannabe novelist. At least I had tried my hands on some part of it. But surely and slowly I am actually becoming a mother of two. The second bub's due in July. 

Oh, it's 7 pm already. Have to fetch my first born.