Am I succesful?

First of all if you really want to know whether you are 'succesful' or not don't ask anyone else. Different people will give different answer so if you don't want to get hurt don't ask. I admit as a somewhat thick skinned person, I am sometimes hurt by people's opinion about me. So I will never ever ask anybody whether I am succesful or not. People have different measurements that they go by. Some people will say that having a good job, making good money, car, house, a beautiful spouse, having talents like cooking, singing, looking happy all the time equals to perfection which means succesful.

I just found out that my marks for last year's and this year's work performance is the same. It's not that bad nor is it good which prompts me to ask myself, am I succesful at work?

Sincerely, I think I am doing ok at work. I went to a few outstation assignments, did a few volunteer work for the organization and learned to do some new things. 

Hmmm, what are my plans this year? I hope I can learn more these days. Maybe enter a few contests, whether conducted by my organisation or not doesn't matter. I am just thinking of doing something out of the usual.

During my alone time. Usually not so alone because I nursed the baby to sleep. BTW he is 20 months now. (short months to 2 years old, time for his own bed then.) So, during my alone times I was thinking of doing the best at work and also doing the best for my personal life. Apart from being a better mother and wife, I want to be a better craft maker. 

I have been concentrating at least once a week on my crafts. Check my pinterest here I have been looking up for tutorials in the internet and trying them. Some came out looking delicious while some came out looking fucked out. Hahahahaha, when it comes to photography and craft making I am my own worst self critic. 

My version of ME being succesful is of course praying 5 times a day, being modest in clothing, less gossiping, cooking more home cooked food for family (although my cooking are not really mouth watery I think I do good for my own tounge at least), knowing how to drive, knowing how to use a sewing machine, having a growing craft business, buying a home, write a novel or two....... perghhh the list goes on and on. For now I am about 50 percent there. Sometimes I see the glass as half full, and sometimes half empty. You can't be cheery all the time right? But I am usually optimistic about life. I have a baby now so life is cheery basically, saving my own ass has become secondary to saving baby's ass.

Back to the question of being succesful. There's this woman younger than me in my facebook page. I noticed her when she was in this breastfeeding group. Then she added me as a friend and I approved. She worked with a bank but was also selling breastfeeding related product such as Medela breast milk pump and also storage bottles. Then she started selling her own self made baby carriers like mine below.

Mine is from Pognae from Korea, but I bought it second hand in Malaysia.

While browsing her photos, I also saw that she is also a wedding photographer. Recently, she posted about finally quitting work and being a stay at home full time mom. I thought of her as being a succesful person. She can stay at home and give her 3 children full attention, fully breastfeeding her youngest child, working at home and also a photographer. The first time I saw her many talents I said WOW. 

Now, I am not trying to emulate her but this is an instance of my definition of succesful. She seems to have it all. Hmmm.

If compared to her, I think of myself as somewhat lacking something because of a few things such as not having a driver's license. But thinking now I don't think that I am a failure nor am I am succesful yet. I think I am ok. So right now, I think being comfortable in my own skin is more important than thinking about the things I don't have. But this does not mean that I am just going to continue being a co passenger. I'll get that license when I can.

Well, see you later. Gotta go fetch my baby. And am still walking here and there with him in my ssc.


Sherry said...

you are not alone, we can never please everyone. Just be ourselve :D
wow.. many how many months now?

Sherry said...

wah she so geng.. who ah??