What I don't understand

I don't understand a lot of things
I will never understand a lot of them
But some I may learn to understand with the passing of time
I will never understand what people expect of me if they don't tell me
But I am always anxious of not expecting people's expectations
There are a lot of people expecting things from me
I may never fulfill these expectations
But in the end the only expectation I should fulfill is God's

People expect me to be this and that
Sometimes I am tired of these expectations
Sometimes I went from me to a rebel me
Sometimes I heed but I still am not fulfilled
Life is a work
Dead is tougher I guess
Life is short
The after life is infinite
So why do I lost sleep over something with a full stop at the end
Why do I yearn of people's appraisal and of things which expires
Why do I not surrender totally to God
Why do I keep my thoughts chained to materials when I realize it will all perish at the end of time

Happy new year to me
A lot of things to learn
Another year, Alhamdulillah the chance to Love Allah and let go of materialism