I am your elder, listen and follow me.

I have a hard time in dealing with parent level authority,  especially when the parent or parental individual like uncles or aunts don't do as they say. I have seen many parent level authority telling young people to do this and that but they don't do as they say. This is one reason why I have a following orders complex, except if its from the boss. I am paid to carry out their orders so I am obliged to do it. But with parental authority other than my parents and my parents in law, I have a hard time following.  My husband told me that I like to 'melawan'.

I challenge parent level authority because they expect so much of me but they don't carry out the things they want me to do. Like telling me to hold my wedding ceremony during school holidays so that relatives can come to the wedding. Having a wedding ceremony during school holiday is costly, you have to do it on a certain day. We wanted to do it on our own term, so we could plan leisurely and don't have to compete with other brides who also hog the same bridal shop. So this one parent level authority also marry of their daughter but not during the school holiday like they told me so. I just had to knock my head on the table. You told me to do this way, yet you do it the other way.

Dealing with others in marriage

Modern marriage is mostly about tying the knot with someone you like being with, that one person whom you can bear to be in the same room with, that one person whom you like enough to share your personal space and of course of love with your heart or wih your vagina / penis.

But marriage is also about being married to the family and friends of your significant others. So how do you deal with them? For me, I often meet my MIL who only stayed 2 hours away from PJ, make it 1.5 hrs if you're near Gombak. She is a nice MIL to have, and I am her only daughter in law so far, so I have no competition. My husband likes to picture things in a competitive state, so he describes me being the only DIL as having no competition. This actually makes it tough as being the only DIL makes me a representative of the house. Like, I need to be there along with my husband. Like this one time, I was having flu and 7 months pregnant,  I had no mood to go to this wedding kenduri. When I was there, I didn't even salam the father and mother of the bride who looked frail and I was afraid they would be infected with my flu.

I admit that I am a hard one to crack. I was raised this way, hard on emotions and slow to receive affection. I even surprised myself when I got married. I must thank Allah that I have a bit of gatalness in me, enough to get myself married off. I was afraid of many things but pursuing a mate wasn't one of them unfortunately.

To be continued...

Procrastination

The bane of my exisence is that I love to procrastinate.
I procrastinate a lot.
I just love to procrastinate.
Procrastination is the key to unhappiness.

Why oh why am I like this.

I lost many opportunities in life due to my procrastinating nature.  Procrastination is defined as "the action of delaying or postponing something". And being a mom of two, I better get rid of this negative trait so I can lead a much fruitful and happier life.

Today I procrastinated about going to the restaurant in the next block to buy dinner, that was ok but by the time I got out of the house it was 11 pm. If I went out earlier the grocery store would still be open and I could've killed two bird with one stone. Now I don't have anything heavy to eat tomorrow and have to go shopping come morning.

Sigh. I should stop this procrastination thing. 2 years ago I procrastinated when it comes to pumping time that I only pumped until my son was 1year and 3 months. With this son I hope to make it into a year and a half minimum. Procrastination be gone!

Mom diary : Second son 2 months and 2 days

My second son tried gurgling today, it sounded almost like a laugh. Thank you my employer for giving me the chance to witness my son's milestones. I remembered the first long laugh of my first born son, it was the most beautiful sound in my ear.

Butang oh butang : Akhirnya aku jumpa kamu.

Beading.my sebuah kedai online kraf dan bekalan kraf buat sale baru2 ni. Aku pun memborong la sebanyak mana yang mampu. Kalau korang suka charm bracelet, nak buat loom bands banyak2 ke, suka buat gelang / rantai / felt kraf boleh beli sini. So far aku puas hati la dengan service dia. Nak dijadikan cerita, dia jual barang banyak half price masa sale hari tu. Maka aku pun borong suede tipu (faux suede la haha) lace dan charms. Dalam memborong tu aku teringat yang kedai online ni ada jual banyak butang. Seplastik butang tu seberat 100 gram hanya RM4 sahaja. Maka aku ambil kesempatan borong beberapa plastik masa sale tu sebab nak tengok contoh dia. Puas hati la sebab satu pek tu campuran macam2 jenis butang. Kalau kat kedai nak kena beli sebiji dengan harga RM0.20, ni sepack ada lebih kurang 60 biji hanya RM4 aje. Anda jimat dalam RM8 gitu jika 60 butang = RM12. Nampak penekanannya di situ siap ulang harga.

Dalam aku duk menambah charm tu, baru teringat yang aku dah bertahun2 cari butang2 besar untuk jadi hiasan. Aku suka sangat butang,  sebab tu nama blog ni Kancing Itu Butang. Setelah teringat nak membeli butang tu, baru aku cantas charm2 mana yang rasa boleh borong nanti dan ganti dengan butang. Kalau beli nanti charm dia harga biasa tapi masih murah la sebab beli sekali 10 kan.

Kalau nak hias butang banyak2 atas bantal atau beg bolehla beli di sana. Butang tu boleh juga buat gam kat hair band ke, buat brooch ke, buat biji congkak ke ataupun buat mainan anak ko. Anak aku yang 3 years old tu suka betul main butang aku. Aku selalu buat aksi diversion kalau dia nak suruh aku buka plastik. Bagi dia benda2 lain yang seronok  boleh buat main. Masa kecik dulu, kalau dia nampak manik aku siap la dia kutip masuk mulut. Sekarang dia buat main2 macam susun2 ke, adakah dia mewarisi perangai aku suka benda kecik comel2?

Nanti aku update dengan gambar butang dia. Sekarang dah malam, mengantuk pula nak susun2 butang segala. Lagi pun aku nak repair seluar baby aku. Seluar pendek tu saiz untuk baby 0 sampai 6 bulan tapk anak aku pada usia 2 bulan dah tak muat. Kena tambah lagi 2 inci getah. Kesian tengok merah2 pinggang dia.

Masalah dalam berblogging

Menulis blog ialah hobi, sebab ia kerap dilakukan, perlu menulis selalu dan kemaskini (aku selalu tulis tapi semua dalam kotak draf) sentiasa.  Apabila rajin kemasikini maka ramai la yang baca, lama2 boleh jana pendapatan. Itu kalau tahap kerajinan dan dedikasi mantap la. Namun menulis tu kena ada teknik.

Ada orang boleh sekali duduk dan menaip sekali lalu dan di akhirnya klik butang cetak. Orang macam aku kena draf, kena berfikir kreatif dan sebab personaliti aku yang suka multitask - contoh time anak nak kena mandi la ada idea mendatang, maka masa tu la nak menulis.  Tulis dalam tekanan menghasilkan idea bernas tapi tak bernasnya ialah ia akan terjelepuk dalam kotak draf sebab bila idea dah cantik takkan tak nak cek tatabahasa dan ejaan pulakan. Sebab anak nak mandi sangat maka save as draft dulu. Nak ceknya makan sehari seengah, kalau lupa jadi la seminggu sekali update blog. Aku jaki betul kalau aku eja salah, walaupun di blog sahaja. Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa tau. Peel aku pula kadang2 rasa nak guna bahasa pasar atau campur2 malay dan english, ada masa nak english aje, dan ada masa nak melayu sahaja.

Blog aku yang suam2 kuku ni aku rajin la nak update walau sebulan sekali sebab aku tengok tiap2 bulan ada la orang jenguk. Aku skodeng (teropong) tadi ade 1642 pageviews bulan lepas, tolak pageviews aku lebih kurang 50 kali sebulan maka ada la 1590 kali org tgk blog aku. Pageviews pun jadi la kan berbanding hits. Follower pun ada la tambah sorang setiap 3 bulan. Aku tau ramai follower blog ni ada yang tak aktif lagi dah sebab nak kekal berblogging bukan senang. Ni pun banyak kali aku terfikir nak tutup je, tapi sayang sebab seronok bercerita pasal kehidupam ni,

Anyway, aku plan nak bercerita kembali pasal kraf dalam blog ini. Mungkin aku akan selitkan cara-cara membuat kraf sikit. Untuk mempelbagaikan isi blog ini. Sementara tu masa menyusukan anak.

Mom diary : Time out with my mom.

I recently had the chance to unwind with my parents and sons. I feel so free, like when I was younger and in between studies and work. Nothing to think about and lunch is served everyday :D. My husband spent his weekend with his mom and brother who had not beem home because of class projects while I was away. He gave me time and space to be here, so I let him be wherever he wants to be.

This is a nice way for me to unwind before starting work. I wanted to spend a month here but since I have to catch up wih my driving exam I have to cut this break from a month to a fortnight.

I wanted to learn how to sew baju kurung since I have bought my sewing machine. But so far I haven't done much. Since I rarely comw home to JB, most of my time here in the first week were full of catching up on the latest news and taking care of the kids. Even the first step which is cutting the cloth is delayed by 2 nights so far. Come midnight my eyes were too heavy to do any chores requiring active thinking. Lol. So little time but so many things to do... :D

When I spent time with my parents in law during my confinement it was ok but nobody babies me like my mom.  The first week I was home, I ate a lot of my old favourites like Kentang Goreng Berlada, Tauhu Kering and soon, Asam Pedas Pari and Ikan Masin. Lunch served is a luxury for a mom and working girl like me. Little things like this make this 2 weeks getaway feel like a luxury.

I haven't gone sight seeing my hometown yet, that's normal with a newborn. But I need to get out soon because I need to buy and sew my KL home's room curtain here because I left my machine at my MIL's. Being cooped up in the house for weeks so far is a bit boring although very beneficial for newborns. Before I go out I will need to get a ringsling or something for my newborn so we can all go out more comfortably.

If I work for a private company I have another week before going back to work. But I went for the 3 months maternity leave so I have a month to go. Right after this, I will need to get my license, find a nanny for both my sons and then start balancing life as a FTWM of two. But before that I have a house to tidy and life to restart. I will need to throw away a lot of stuff to make way for my new life. A more practical one I hope. Good luck to me.

Reduce, reuse, recycle, give away or keep. So many things to do.

Mommy anxiety : Working full time with kids

Sometimes all I want to do is stay near my mom's house and work here for a few years. Most probably I won't be sending the kids to my mom for childcare. Maybe on some evenings when I have some work needing extra time, I can send them for a few hours to my mom. Let them bond with my mom while my mom is fit to take care of them. But this may only happen in my head.

Working and raising kids faraway from the large family is a thing most moms have to face. When my eldest son is younger I sent him to my husband's kampung which is a 2 hours drive from KL. It may not be an ideal plan financially but I will have an ease of mind and do my work more efficiently knowing that my baby is in the hands of loved ones for a few nights. Financially I spend RM200 to send baby there, but the ease of mind is worth more than that. Some people will ask why I just don't push away outstation jobs, but how long can I push them away? To me this will forever be part and parcel of my job and while I am adding kids to my life, I just can't escape outstation tasks forever. The least I could do is minimize them to 3 trips a year. Heck, I even took my mom and husband along on one trip to Kuala Kangsar.

My husband kept saying that I should stop working full time and take care of the kids if I am so worried about leaving them wih other people all the time. That is such a one sided statement because raising a child is a husband and wife effort... one which I would gladly do if I am able to live with a small earnings and not a single cent in debt. With student loans and a car loan, I won't be able to do that for now. My husband himself is glued to his work. He is only home after 7 pm some days and later most days. Plus our arrangement with his nanny was to fetch him before 6.30 pm so when I have outstation jobs we left him at his grandparent's.

My husband is a wonderful husband and father even if he is loyal to his inflexible working hours. He could take care of his eldest son by himself when baby was younger. I just leave him with a few bottles of pumped milk when I need to work on weekends.

Since I work mainly during office hour, I go home on time and take care of the kids. I don't mind doing so because kids needs stability when they are younger. They need to know that mom is there for them and it's not like I have anything major to achieve career wise.

With a higher ranking job I will need to spend more time at the office and that will come with perks like a higher salary and a more challenging work but that time is later. Maybe a year from now when baby is a year older. I think I won't lose out to people who are super in climbing the career ladder, I may be late arrive there but for now my family comes first. I am not saying that those who chose to work outside the 8 am to 5 pm frame is a mom who does not commit to their family, I am saying that working outside of that time is not for me yet.

When I see my mom now and my mum in law, they are just past the empty nest syndrome and they have filled their time with religious classes and work. They don't need to rush home early to fetch their kids as we are all grown up. Some days I only see my mom a few hours during the day because she is busy with her local social activities like wedding kenduri, religious class, birthday parties, sewing clothes and making her RM40 a kilo kuih kepal which is popular with the Johor royals, or at least some one who works with the Johor Palace likes to order my mom's kuih kepal when there is a royal event. They order a few kilos a few times a year especially for Hari Raya, weddings and birthdays.

Anyway I am saying that today I prioritise my children. In the future there will come a day when I can pursue work and do whatever I want like furthering my studies when my children are independent enough to be left on their own devices most of the time.