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Mommy anxiety : Working full time with kids

Sometimes all I want to do is stay near my mom's house and work here for a few years. Most probably I won't be sending the kids to my mom for childcare. Maybe on some evenings when I have some work needing extra time, I can send them for a few hours to my mom. Let them bond with my mom while my mom is fit to take care of them. But this may only happen in my head.

Working and raising kids faraway from the large family is a thing most moms have to face. When my eldest son is younger I sent him to my husband's kampung which is a 2 hours drive from KL. It may not be an ideal plan financially but I will have an ease of mind and do my work more efficiently knowing that my baby is in the hands of loved ones for a few nights. Financially I spend RM200 to send baby there, but the ease of mind is worth more than that. Some people will ask why I just don't push away outstation jobs, but how long can I push them away? To me this will forever be part and parcel of my job and while I am adding kids to my life, I just can't escape outstation tasks forever. The least I could do is minimize them to 3 trips a year. Heck, I even took my mom and husband along on one trip to Kuala Kangsar.

My husband kept saying that I should stop working full time and take care of the kids if I am so worried about leaving them wih other people all the time. That is such a one sided statement because raising a child is a husband and wife effort... one which I would gladly do if I am able to live with a small earnings and not a single cent in debt. With student loans and a car loan, I won't be able to do that for now. My husband himself is glued to his work. He is only home after 7 pm some days and later most days. Plus our arrangement with his nanny was to fetch him before 6.30 pm so when I have outstation jobs we left him at his grandparent's.

My husband is a wonderful husband and father even if he is loyal to his inflexible working hours. He could take care of his eldest son by himself when baby was younger. I just leave him with a few bottles of pumped milk when I need to work on weekends.

Since I work mainly during office hour, I go home on time and take care of the kids. I don't mind doing so because kids needs stability when they are younger. They need to know that mom is there for them and it's not like I have anything major to achieve career wise.

With a higher ranking job I will need to spend more time at the office and that will come with perks like a higher salary and a more challenging work but that time is later. Maybe a year from now when baby is a year older. I think I won't lose out to people who are super in climbing the career ladder, I may be late arrive there but for now my family comes first. I am not saying that those who chose to work outside the 8 am to 5 pm frame is a mom who does not commit to their family, I am saying that working outside of that time is not for me yet.

When I see my mom now and my mum in law, they are just past the empty nest syndrome and they have filled their time with religious classes and work. They don't need to rush home early to fetch their kids as we are all grown up. Some days I only see my mom a few hours during the day because she is busy with her local social activities like wedding kenduri, religious class, birthday parties, sewing clothes and making her RM40 a kilo kuih kepal which is popular with the Johor royals, or at least some one who works with the Johor Palace likes to order my mom's kuih kepal when there is a royal event. They order a few kilos a few times a year especially for Hari Raya, weddings and birthdays.

Anyway I am saying that today I prioritise my children. In the future there will come a day when I can pursue work and do whatever I want like furthering my studies when my children are independent enough to be left on their own devices most of the time.

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